The real me

I needed some time, but now the time to make some choices has come.

Here I am, sitting on my bed. Looking at a screen full of words written from someone who I don't know who it is anymore. I lost myself. I'm alone.
The worst part of all is that I changed. Into what I always hated. I always thaught to myself to be strong and ignore everything else around me. And now I'm here, I hate myself, and I feel that I will hate myself even more if I won't do it. I don't even know how I am anymore, lost myself and it seems like I can't find the way back home.
I'm scared, I'm scared to wake up in the morning and go to school, I'm scared to fail. I'm scared to say "hey look at me I'm broken and I need you to fix me". I'm scared to go home, to dissapoint my family. I'm scared to fall asleep, I'm scared of my dreams because they tell me the truth. I pushed everyone away. I'm sorry that I dissapointed you, I'm just not meant for this world.

Door: skullsmiler

Meld misbruik!
Reageer Via:
Ey, good to hear from you! And good to hear that you shared your feelings with your friends! This is the way, because we can't be happy all the time and the times we're not it's so important to share this feelings! I’m sure that most people will recognize this periods in live. I learned through hard times to take small steps and take it day by day. I'm sure you will feel happy again, but sometimes it takes some time to get this feeling back. I think, you're doing great! Good luck and much strenght!
I am happy you made already two steps: The first step is to write about your feelings and be honest towards yourself. The second step is to talk about it with good friends. When you keep this feelings ask for professional help. Soit helps to express your feelings. It helps me too. Nobody knows who you are and so many feelings are common. Also try to focus on posite things. Do you know you can find a diary on the site and that you can write to the webmail and tell to profeesionals more about your problems? It is private and it helped me a lot. I am really happy to hear that you are fine now. What is the third step? What can you do to prevent those rough moments and let them make shorter?

Meld misbruik!
Thanks to both of you, I was going through a rough time. After I wrote it I was finally able to talk my friends about it. I never thought that I could have talk about my feelings until I wrote them down. I'm fine now, trying to find my way to be happy again.
Hi! Just wanted to go to bed and I saw your writing. Is this how you feel now or how you felt before? I think that everyone is meant for this world! And the world needs everyone of us! Do you want to let know how you are doing? Thanks!

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